It’s unbelievably close, but the PT Cruiser takes it by precisely two votes. Anyway, we’ve had too many practical cars so it’s time for some projects. Let’s jet off to the most cursed state in the union according to the internet, Ohio, in search of some proper shitboxes.
1980 Porsche 924 – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: Two-liter inline-four engine, five-speed manual gearbox, rear-wheel-drive. Location: Batavia, Ohio Odometer reading: 40,000 miles Runs/drives? Nope. Ah, the Porsche 924. Perhaps the cheapest way into a Porsche sports car, this little coupe has a bit of an unfair reputation as an unloved Volkswagen cast-off. While originally intent to be a Volkswagen-Porsche joint product, VW pulled out as a result of the 1973 oil crisis, which meant that this thing went into the world with Porsche badges alone. These days, a 924 might just be your ticket to Porsche ownership on a budget, a rare phrase given the values of 911s these days.
You’ve probably heard jokes about how the 924 uses a van engine, jokes that aren’t entirely accurate. While a version of the EA831 engine was used in the Volkswagen LT, the 924’s lump was also used in the Audi 100. Either way, it didn’t make a ton of horsepower, but it did come mated to a transaxle which gave the 924 excellent weight distribution. Think of these coupes more as momentum cars than autobahn stormers. Mind you, this 924 makes zero horsepower at the moment, given how it doesn’t run.
This particular 924 is painted a beautiful pastel yellow and the seller claims it’s rust-free, a boon on any car out of the rust belt. Aside from paint and condition, these cars are just classic wedges with fantastic glass hatches that add a dose of drama to the silhouette. Sure, the 924 might not have the flared-fender aggression of a 944, but it’s charming in its own right.
Upon first glance of the interior, it seems like this 924’s odometer might be telling the truth of how few miles it’s traveled. The driver’s seat seems almost free of wear, while the carpets and door cards look pristine. Good interiors for these cars can be hard to find, so the condition of the cabin looks to be a massive plus for this cheap Porsche.
1984 Mercedes-Benz 380SEC – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.8-liter V8 engine, four-speed automatic gearbox, rear-wheel-drive. Location: Deer Park, Ohio Odometer reading: 138,000 miles Runs/drives? Not a chance. In most conversations about luxury cars, it doesn’t take long for the big Benzes to come up. Although Rolls-Royces and Bentleys may be more opulent, the S-Class and its kin have long been mass-produced previews of the automobile’s future. Plus, they have great presence, especially two-door models like the 380SEC we have here.
Power in this SEC comes from a 3.8-liter variant of Mercedes-Benz’s M116 V8. While earlier variants of this engine were known for stretching their single-row timing chains, this motor was revised with a dual-row timing chain in 1984, which means this car should be free from this issue. Power goes to the ground through a four-speed automatic gearbox, and zero-to-sixty happens eventually. Hey, it’s more about style than speed with this one. The seller claims that this big Benz ran when it was parked back in 2006, although it’ll likely need a lot of work to get back in running condition.
Looking at this 380SEC, it’s obvious that it was once very loved before it was neglected. Someone fitted all manner of AMG bits including bumpers, wheels, and skirts to make this thing a proper cocaine cruiser. Imagine power-washing the filth off, dropping all four windows, and reveling in the pillarless layout of this big coupe. Fabulous, right? Alright, maybe the rust isn’t fabulous, but you can just play it off as patina.
On the inside of the – oh dear god, what happened here? According to the seller, the sunroof leaked, resulting in the biohazard situation you currently see. Strap on your N95 and break out the Spray Nine, this thing’s going to need some serious work. Still, that AMG steering wheel shows potential, while the beige upholstery seems like a solid choice against the white paintwork. So, two big projects, one sporty and one plush. The Porsche is likely a better choice for twisty road fun, but the Mercedes just has such presence. Both will cost a small fortune to recommission, so pick your poison and have fun with this one.
(Photo credits: Craigslist sellers)
Virtue Amongst Sin: 2004 Chrysler PT Cruiser vs 2001 Toyota Echo The $223,450 Porsche 911 Dakar Has Adjustable Ride Height And Can Blast Through The Desert At Mach Jesus The Mercedes-AMG S63 E Performance With 1,055 Lb.-Ft. Of Torque Is A High-Tech Dinosaur In All The Best Ways Would You Rather Spend Over $250,000 On A Mercedes-Maybach S680 Haute Voiture Or Buy These Nine Incredible Cars? Can You Name A Car That Had More Engine Layouts In A Single Generation Than The Mercedes-Benz G-Class? Got a hot tip? Send it to us here. Or check out the stories on our homepage. Support our mission of championing car culture by becoming an Official Autopian Member. I was a young carpenter back in 1979, partnered up with an older tradesman. We travelled together in his mid-70s Rabbit, and all he’d ever talked about was getting a “9-2-4.” His enthusiasm and genuine excitement was really kind of fun. In any event, life stepped all over him, and he never did make that acquisition. He was gone by the early eighties and I think about him, and his dream, quite often. FWIW: he was a fine tradesman, and a damn good driver. If the S also has the Bosch mechanical fuel injection like this one, you need to change the metal canister fuel filter religiously every 10,000 miles. Supposedly these systems are troublesome, but I drove the Rabbit to over 220,000 miles and never had an issue. I bet if you pulled the engine out and converted it to a pedal car you could get it to go down the road much faster. As for the Merc. If I were to go for one of this era, I would go taxi spec. At least it would run for another 20 years and even after taxi duty, the interior would have to be better than that. After the last couple years, I’m in no mood to discover new diseases. Porsche by a quarter mile, anytime. Especially in the condition this one appear to be in. If that dash ain’t cracked, this could be your next holy grail post. Including tires, I’m probably about $3500 into it. It’s a fun car, but unfortunately I haven’t driven it since May, which is when it decided to stop running properly. These early 924’s run on Bosch K-Jetronic fuel injection, which very few mechanics are good at anymore. I had to source a rebuilt fuel distributor (bottom center of the engine pic) from Australia last month, but it still won’t run above idle. I’m guessing a leaking cold start valve, but we had to get it into storage before the snow came. So it sits, for now. Long story short, it’s a slow Porsche that will barely be worth what it costs to get running again. If you get it for free, like I got mine, that’s probably fine. Which means this non-running 924 is priced about $2500 too high. I’d still take it over the Benz; looking at them, at least the Porsche doesn’t make me want to barf. Hard pass on both shitboxes…
