Also worth noting here are the headlight covers on this Mercury which are, in an incredible fit of ’70s perverse opulence, upholstered. Yes, those are padded, upholstered headlight covers, complete with a weird little fake coat of arms in the center. The ’70s were some weird-ass times, friends. Was it because those hardworking buyers were at a job all day, then finally get off work, then grabbed the family and raced to a dealership, then asked for that same baby-crap green Merc that matched photo of the one with lighting roundabout 7:43 pm? It totally looks like something a cult leader would drive. The upholstered headlamp covers with the fake coat of arms is grotesque. Given the fuel crisis of the time, marketing departments somehow determined people wanted cars that were commonly perceived as ugly back then, rather than tripling highway fuel economy and greatly improving highway performance by streamlining the crap out of the cars to a form with less than 1/3 the overall drag as could have been done, and the automakers wouldn’t have even needed to downsize the engine displacement to do it. People wanted cars to have what where thought of as limousine or limousine-like styling cues to create an image of wealth and luxury Most of the cues could be traced back to prewar coachbuilt luxury cars in one way or another. The padded vinyl was supposed to emulate the fact that big limousine bodies in the ’20s and ’30s used to often be made of a wood frame with a fabric exterior skin to keep weight down. Most of the cars of the 70s have not held up well. Aesthetically, they are eyesores. Perfect vehicles to make goth rides out of though! The baroque factor is strong in those. First you must prove you are a true masochist. The padding on the headlight covers is to (heh, heh) soften the blow in case the initiation rite goes a bit awry. I’m sorry but I can’t reveal more except that it involves a crosswalk, a blindfold, and a virgin too young to have a driver’s license at the wheel… To reach Mark V level you must buy 2000 miles worth of gasoline ( premium, natch) for the car while taking a summer vacation with your wife, two little kids , your mother-in-law and her poodle. (underrated, real slowburn ’70s quasi-horror flick) Thematically, manages to hit both feminism and urban decay, so it’s as high-70s as the Mercury pictured here! To bolster my case I give you: Mercury Marquis – a Marquis doesn’t need a fake family crest on their headlights Chrysler LeBaron – and Barons will not be found in Chryslers Pontiac LeMans – a French racetrack they couldn’t find on a map Chevy Monza – ditto for Italy Ford Granada – an ugly car named for a beautiful Spanish city Ford Torino – not so ugly car named for a lovely Italian city Pontiac Grand Prix – which actually means “big prize”, well it was big Buick LeSabre – a light maneuverable sword in France, seems appropriate Buick Riviera – just try to drive one in Nice Dodge Monaco – ditto for Monaco and let’s not forget… Corinthian leather – were the ancient Greeks known for their leather? There’s a similar panel between the taillights that IS color-matched to the vinyl top, but that entire piece has the padded-look texture, the headlight cover if it is all one piece has a significant smooth’n’shiny surface.
